When Craig, the PR guy from Ringling Bros. first contacted me, I thought, “I’m not a circus act!”  Then I re-read his email…

“Gemma…The reason I’m writing: Monday July 5 is the 200th birthday of P.T. Barnum, and Coney Island is the only place where one of the three editions of the circus bearing his name will be performing. As part of the birthday celebration, we would like to work with a psychic medium to conduct a session during which we contact Barnum himself…”

I realized he wasn’t asking for a performance but instead for a session.  His energy felt genuine and that was reinforced when we actually spoke via telephone. He said all it would entail was the reading and one pre-reading interview with The Brooklyn Paper. I agreed to do it.  But truth be told I was petrified.  What if he (P.T.) doesn’t come?  What if I make a fool of myself by standing there with no message in front of all this press.  Swirling thoughts of negativity sprinted through my brain as I sat one morning about to meditate.  Just then a speople came to me and assured me that all would be fine.  I was pretty sure it was P.T.  but when you are nervous or too emotional about something as a medium your vision gets cloudy.  I then heard my mom say the same thing that THEY would never let that (making a fool of myself) happen.  That this was orchestrated and she was part of it.  I felt some relief with her words and then some how managed to put the whole thing out of my mind.

Photo by TRACY YOUNG

Craig contacted me to do the pre-reading exclusive interview with The Brooklyn Paper which went very well.  Later that day as I was training for my next wog (a 5 mile which went fabulous by the way.  I recruited my best friend Tracy on it and now plan to add someone new each time if possible to my wogging team.)  Anyway… on my wog, I thought to myself that alot of people will ask the same question I was asking myself.  “Who do I think I am to think that I can contact P.T. Barnum.  The answer struck me like lightning.  My spirit guide (Sha) explained to me that I’ve never ever gotten star struck, it’s just not my nature.  She went on to say that there is no such thing as famous on the other side and that it’s just a construct here on earth.  Contacting P.T. is no different than contacting my mom (who in my world is more famous than he.)  It was entirely up to him to show up or not (we all have free will) but having always believed that the speople bring me the clients and not vice versa, I knew at that moment that this was probably all P.T.’s doing.

In the weeks to come I pretty much put the reading out of my head except for those brief moments of me asking P.T. what will happen at the show to which he refused to answer.  I had adamantly decided that I would NOT research anything about him, in the name of authenticity, so it made the most sense to just look away until that day otherwise I may get nervous again. It’s amazing how THEY work because I probably would have started stressing the July 5th event on July 3rd, however, they blessed me with being able to landscape a friends backyard which was both cool because I got to hang with a really awesome person and it was physically exhausting so who had time to think.  The next day in that same landscaped backyard, I attended a fabulous bbq with some really cool peeps again taking my attention and finished up the day seeing fireworks on the Manhattan pier.  Exhausted from all the festivities of the weekend, who had time to stress the reading?  Totally wiped, I fell out hard the night of the 4th only thinking briefly of the reading as I set my alarm clock.

7am, July 5th, my eyes flew wide open.  “Oh my god! It’s today!”  Terror starts to overtake me.  What if… what if… what if?  Floods my mind.  My phone rings.  It’s Tracy.  She would be coming with me that day (as would my other closest friend Lisha)  Tracy, an amazing photographer would be covering the event, and Lisha was coming solely as support.

RANDOM BUT NOT SO RANDOM THOUGHT -  I am so totally blessed with amazingly supportive friends. It is a priceless gift that I wouldn’t trade for anything!

I pick up Tracy’s call and weakly say, “hey,”  “Good Morning,” she practically sings, “You ready?”  I fear I will throw up so all I mumble is “uggggg!”  Tracy immediately knows that I’m slipping into major fear and asks if it’s ok if she comes up early (she lives 3 floors below me – yeah… pretty awesome huh?) I feel so not alone and mumble, “Yes please.”

We arrive at Coney Island, Lisha is already there waiting for us.  I’m numb at this point.  But just seeing her there and knowing that she came for no other reason than to support me relaxed me some.  I called Craig to let him know we were outside and he came out to get us.  He showed us to where the press would be and asked if we’d rather be there or under the big tent where I would read.  For me it was a no brainer, I had to be where I would read and get myself “in the (cloud jumping) zone” in the space I’d be reading.

Photo by TRACY YOUNG

There was so much hustle and bustle inside the tent.  Moving props, setting lights, introductions to people etc.  Talk about overwhelming.  I wondered if I’d be able to get myself together enough to go up.  Just then I remembered that the SOLE reason I do this is to HELP people to connect

to their deceased loved ones.  Failure is about me and this nor any of my other readings is about me.  They are about the people and the speople that I am connecting.  I suddenly realized that my eyes were closed and I felt like I was being lifted from under each arm.  I stayed there for a bit and then I saw him again, the speople (who now after seeing his picture is undoubtedly P.T.)  He showed me a visual which would actually be my opening statement.  He also at that moment let me in on how things would happen.

I had been introduced to a man named Dick Zigun the “Barnum expert,” they had on hand to validate what I would say.  He was to make a few opening statements and then leave me on stage.  Instead, I told him (what P.T. told me) that he should stay on stage with me and validate the messages I was relaying right then and there.  Wow talk about unexpected, I didn’t see that coming, that was definitely totally P.T.’s doing.  I don’t recall very much more after that, only scattered memories as I rarely remember readings – they are really none of my business.  But according to all present, it went very well.  AOL did a very responsible detailed article on it which I have listed it at the bottom of this post.

LISTEN UP PEEPS… While this was a totally amazingly magical experience, I learned an incredible lesson.  Appreciate the people around you that are good to you and let them know you love them and are grateful to be blessed with them in your lives.  Tracy, Lish, (and all of my other amazing GIP’s who readily support me) I love you and thank you for being in my life!

Oh and once again, Thank you and Happy 200th P.T.!

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Check out what AOL had to say… http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/on-pt-barnums-200th-birthday-the-spirit-of-the-ringling-bros-circus-showman-speaks/19542684

What the hell am I doing sitting in Nancy’s car at 6:45 AM on a Sunday heading toward Central Park to run (well wog – walk/jog) in a race.  “Don’t worry,” Nanc said noticing my angst, “You will see, you are going to do better than you expect, I know it.”  I hoped she was right, but I gotta admit, doubt was running rampant through me.  Maybe we won’t find parking, I comforted myself  as I zoned out.  No such luck.  We “somehow” managed to get a spot seconds from the entrance… grrrrrreat!  As I walked to my doom, I couldn’t even fathom how my girlfriend could look excited when my stomach was doing flips and tumbles that would put a gymnast to shame.

She showed me to the table where I would pick up my bib with my number… Ok it’s orange, my favorite color, this must be a good sign.  I desperately searched for the positive.  Then we received a tracker – a band that we would attach to our shoes which would record the time we crossed the start line and then the time we crossed the finish line.  The information would then be posted to the road runners site so we could see our overall time.  Quite honestly I could have cared less at that point about times etc… let’s just get this thing over with I thought.

“10 minutes to start!  10 minutes to start!”  My heart sank as I heard the volunteer call through the bullhorn.  “C’mon Gem,” Nanc said, “I’ll show you where you will start.”  YOU?  DID SHE SAY YOU?  She then points to the orange section.  Her bib was pink.  OVERLOAD OVERLOAD… my brain couldn’t process this…We would have to separate?  I was on my own?  Solo flight?  I was suddenly 5 years old standing outside the kindergarten classroom on the first day of school.

I know Nanc was talking to me, trying to pep talk me, I saw her mouth moving but heard nothing.  I just walked away and headed to my section.  Standing there I admit, I had moments of contemplating bailing on the whole thing.  It’s incredible how fear can overtake even cripple you.  I kept telling myself that in less than and hour and a half it would all be over and with that the line began to move.  I decided that I would cue up my ipod only to look and see that I only had one bar of battery life left on it.  Ok that’s it… check it out God… get me through this and I don’t care what you have to do, make this battery last for 4 miles.  That was my prayer.  And with that… we were off.

I jogged for at least the first 10 minutes which for me was a huge deal.  I haven’t jogged that much in quite sometime.  Ok I admit it, the idea of Nancy (who started behind me) catching up to me and seeing me walking so early on in the race, messed with my macho – Waaaay too much for my ego to handle, so at the risk of blowing out my calf muscles, I kept jogging.  Finally she passed me.  Now I could begin my wog.  I stepped off the course for a few seconds to stretch my poor tortured calves.

Time passed, alot of time.  I was doing pretty good.  Great actually.  Jogging more than I thought I would and the best part was that I wasn’t alone.  There were other woggers just like me… So there I was me and lady gaga (on my ipod) actually doing it.  I got into a grove where I walked the uphills and jogged the flats and downhills.  After a while, I saw that the road turned ahead.  Oh my god, I did it I thought, this is the turn that leads to the straight away that leads to the finish line.  I rounded the corner.  I saw the sign in the distance.  This was not so bad at all i thought as I jogged to the sign for my big finish.

2 MILES it read. Wait what?  Imagine my horror when I realized that in fact I had only gone 2 miles and had to repeat what I had done.  Talk about a downer.  There I was sure the race was over and I was only at the half way point.  Suddenly the calf pain rushed back in.

I had to duck out of the way of the huge yellow butterfly.  The butterfly that broke through all my negative thoughts.  MOM!  HI MOM!  I knew she sent the butterfly which from that point would follow me the rest of the race.  Suddenly it hit me.  Negativity slows us down.  All these complaining thoughts will not help me move any faster.  I then remembered that I’m never alone and I called loudly upon my guides to help me.  I suddenly heard Aurora, my physical body guide say, “Why would you stay in for this?”  “Huh?  What do you mean?”  I asked her, it was not like her to suggest that I quit.  “Why would you stay in your physical body for this?  You know how to travel out, you do it all the time when you work.  Why would you stay in for this?  Did you ground yourself this morning?”  She continued,  “Did you connect (to the HP) this morning?  Your body is only a machine.  It will do as it is told.  Pull up out of it.”  She said adamantly.

“I can’t,” I argued (I always argue with Aurora.  She always wins.)  “You are right.  You can’t.  If you say you can’t.”  She said adamantly.  “But you can!  “It’s hard Aurora, my body hurts.  I’m so aware of it.”  I whined back.  “You are thinking too hard.  Focusing on the pain.  Just come sit here,” and with that she gave me the visual of a seat made of cushy clouds.  I lifted and sat.  I gotta tell you, the next mile is a bit blurry to me, but it went much quicker than the first 2, I will say that for sure.  I do know that I jogged a great portion of it and strong at that.

My concentration broke when I saw a runner who had already finished.  She looked at me and started clapping and said, “You are almost there, you got this.”  The butterfly flew passed and this time, I knew the finish line was close.  I also knew I was totally back in my body again as i could feel my achy legs.  I began to jog because I saw another banner up ahead and I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to cross the finish line running.  I jogged and jogged and when I could finally read the banner it said BAGGAGE CLAIM… unreal… bamboozled again.  Just as I was going to give in and walk, I rounded a corner to see a gazillion people standing on the sidelines cheering.  Well fabulous, now I had no choice.  I had to keep jogging.  It’s amazing what ego can inspire you to do.  There was no way in hell that I was going to walk with thousands of people watching me.

So I jogged and I jogged and I jogged some more waiting for my legs to just fail and hoping if they did and I went down that I would just faint all together and wake up back home in my bed or something.  Just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, I see Nancy (who had finished 25 minutes before) jumping up and down cheering me on.  I wish I could tell you that we had a hallmark moment, that time stopped and tears ran down both of our faces as dramatic music played but no instead, in true Gemma form, I looked at her and said, “Where the f*&k is the finish line.”  Yup… that’s right peeps… zen went right the hell out the window.  About 15 seconds later, I crossed the finish line.

OK OK… I admit it.  It felt good… really really good.  Who’dathunk?  Certainly not I.

Listen up Peeps… We can do alot more than we think we can.  Never be afraid to challenge yourself to do the “impossible.”  Stay positive about it though because negative weighs you down.  Also…surround yourself with positive supportive peeps (that may even believe in you at times more than you believe in yourself.)  The only thing that makes something unattainable or impossible is ourselves.

And so my journey has begun.  I will keep you posted of my progress as I continue on to NYC Marathon 2011!

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NOTE: This post was written on last Tuesday, June 1.  Due to technical difficulties I was unable to post it until today.

“Ya know what it is Gem,” my girlfriend Nancy said very no holds barred to me, “You aren’t pushing yourself.  That’s what it is, you need to push yourself and sweat more.  So here’s what’s going to happen.  You are going to sign up for your first race with the NY roadrunners club.  It’s 4 miles and it’s this Sunday.”

Ya know when you are saying one thing in your head but your mouth says something else?  Well, for some god forsaken reason I heard myself say, “OK.” When every fiber of my being was really screaming, “Woman are you on crack?”  But there it was.  Somehow I had committed to the unthinkable.  Running.  And for no good reason.

Ok, backstory…Up until a few years ago I was in good shape until… Yada yada yada…blah blah blah (meaning I am choosing to pass over the hideous details that led to the fact that) as a result, I gained about 65 plus pounds.  Prior to the gain I was very athletic all my life – mainly a soccer player and a swimmer.  But these are team sports peeps, they are fun and most important for me, I never realized I was doing cardio when participating.  I ran to play.  But running just to run?  Ridiculous in my mind.

For anyone, being 65 plus pounds overweight is pretty unhealthy but definitely with the work I do, it is especially not good.  Let me explain.  When I do psychic medium work, “I raise my vibration” (which I guess scientifically means that my molecules speed up) so that I can communicate with THEM, the speople.  In their dimension (the other side) they vibrate faster than we do.  When I communicate, I feel weightless and very very unaware of my physical body which makes sense because I’m sort of away from my physical body when I do it.  Coming down (as I call returning to my physical body) can sometimes be rough because aches and pains etc. return as does weight.  It would be transition enough to return to a healthy sized body, but returning to one that is carrying an extra 65 plus pounds can feel like boulders are attached to my ankles.

All that to say that lately I have been praying and saying repeatedly that I want to lose weight.  Telling THEM that THEY need to send me a sign on how to do it.  Admittedly, I’ve gotten pretty adamant about it lately with THEM and so I suppose THEY felt that being muscled by my 5 foot nothing 110 pound girlfriend (who by the way is an avid runner and in training for NYC marathon 2010)  into a 4 mile run was the perfect answer to my prayers.  THEY have some warped sense of humor if you ask me.  So there it is.  I just became an official member of New York Road Runners and am about to run (well, I will wog – walk/jog) my first race this Sunday.  If all goes as planned I will ultimately run the 2011 NYC Marathon.  (I need to complete 9 races to secure a spot.)

Here’s the deal PEEPS. Our prayers are answered.  We just gotta hear THEM and be willing to take the journey, even if it’s NOTHING like what you expected.  I don’t know where this running journey (which I will blog about as it unfolds) will lead me, I just know somehow it feels right and oddly spiritual so I’m jumping on this crazy train and taking things one race at a time.   My goal for Sunday…simple… A fainting free, throwing up free wog in central park where I ultimately cross the finish line.  Tune in Monday… I’ll let you know how it went.

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“Gemma, I was so uncomfortable, I just couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there,”  my client “Matt,” said to me.  Besides being a psychic medium, I am also a spiritual life coach.  This conversation took place in our session this morning.  “Matt” and I agreed that it was a great lesson to share so he gave me his permission to post it but asked that I not use real names.  We were discussing a situation where he felt completely dishonored by something that “Gabby” the woman he is seeing said to him.

“It was a great night and then for no reason at all, she says this…I just didn’t get it.  It came out of nowhere.  The rest of the night was shot for me.  Realizing that I now saw her in a totally different way, she ["Gabby"] tried repeatedly to explain her tactless words and how she didn’t really mean them at all, but it didn’t change that she said them, and to make it worse, she never actually said she was sorry.  You can’t just ignore it when people show you who they really are Gemma.  I just kept hearing it over in my head and thinking, ‘I don’t want this type of woman.’  It made me sad though that I had really seen a future with “Gabby” and in one thoughtless moment, she totally changed that.  I sat there for the rest of the night, against my better judgment, feeling like a shell of me.  Finally after hours, I left.”

There are two lessons here peeps, so listen up…

LESSON NUMBER 1

DON’T BE GABBY!  Be impeccable with your word.  ONLY say what you mean and mean what you say. Your words represent you so think before you speak.  Here’s an example…I remember hearing a story where a woman was questioned by the police as a prime suspect for the murder of her boss, simply because in a fit of anger at a totally unrelated time, co-workers heard her say, “He got me so mad I could of killed him.”  If by your words you represent yourself as dishonorable, then don’t be surprised when you are looked upon as that, even if you are not.  So should you find yourself in a”Gabby” situation where you’ve misrepresented yourself with your words, I’d suggest that before anything else, you give a heartfelt apology followed by an honest explanation of why you felt the need to say what you did and then say who you really are.

LESSON NUMBER 2

DON’T BE A MATT!  You never HAVE to stay in any situation.  Like I told “Matt” the second you feel that you are being dishonored you can get up and go, with no explaination.  Be it a friendship, love thing, work place or even an interaction with a stranger, there is NOTHING more important than honoring your spirit and if someone is not doing that then they are not worthy or deserving of you,  your company or your explanation.  Trust me peeps… you will sleep better at night and wake in the morning feeling wonderful about yourself if you ALWAYS HONOR U!

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I was recently reminded of something I firmly believe in.  It’s the simple key peeps to a successful relationship…

In a relationship (of any kind,) if each person’s focus is on taking care of  the other…

Then everyone is taken care of.  What a beautiful thing!

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4 of us were having dinner at a local restaurant.  The waitress came and took our order.  3 of us fell deep into conversation while the fourth sat grumbling about how hungry she was.  We (the 3) were so into what we were discussing that it felt like only seconds before they brought our food.  “Bout time,” said the one who didn’t join the table chatter, “I hope they got it right at least.”  Of course hers was wrong and had to be sent back making her wait even longer.  I suddenly had a major lightbulb moment.

Law of Attraction simplified – OMG… this is how it works…Its so simple and just like going to a restaurant.

1. You decide what you want
2. You order it
3. You focus on something else (expecting it)
4. You get it

It’s that simple peeps… we don’t micro-manage the kitchen when we place an order.  We don’t get into deep conversation about how they are making our food or stress if there is enough food or enough staff to make what we want.  We don’t give it another thought.  We just expect it to come. And it does.  And when we do grumble and stress, the outcome is probably not so great and at the very least it feels like it takes longer.  Well, the same goes for applying the law of attraction…

1. Decide what you want
2. Ask for it
3. Turn to other things that make you happy (knowing it’s on it’s way)
4. Receive it

If you feel like you’ve heard this before from me, well you have and you probably will again and again.  I told you I’m hooked on Law of Attraction and on a mission to becoming a master creator so every lightbulb moment I have, I’m going to share with you and I hope you will do the same.

Remember Peeps…try it with small unimportant things first – things that don’t matter whether you get them, that makes it easier, but the most important thing is to just keep it light, you will get it so HAVE FUN!!!

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It’s so easy to lose sight of what we have.  So many times we have something or someone wonderful in our lives and we get so used to it/them being there that we take things for granted.  In doing so, sometimes we lose sight of their value.  We get so caught up in the disillusionment of what we think we are missing that we go on a desperate search for the very same thing that we already have.

Imagine that you have a bright orange coffee mug.  One morning, you make your coffee as usual and as you are about to grab your mug, you notice on the counter next to your coffee maker, a catalog you received.  On the cover is the same mug you have but in the season’s “hottest” color.  You impulsively decide that it is better that the one you have.  In fact you’ve gone so far as to convince yourself that your life would be greatly improved (and naturally your coffee would taste better) if only you had that mug.  You’ve done such a good job of convincing yourself of what you “lack” by focusing on the picture of the mug in front of you that you’ve now forgotten about the actual mug that is sitting right behind you on the counter only inches away.  You have completely looked away from the mug that has served you extremely well for many years.  To make matters worse, when you finally realize that your perfectly good mug is still there for you, unfortunately for you, the coffee that you brewed has now gone cold and bitter.

LISTEN UP PEEPS… While change can totally be good and is definitely necessary at times, be careful not to take for granted the blessings you already possess.

STOP!  TURN AROUND!  RECOGNIZE WHAT YOU ALREADY HAVE!  APPRECIATE!

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It’s funny how sometimes life becomes so important.  Shouldn’t it be? You may ask, I mean it is my life after all, right?

My answer, in a word, NO.

It’s so easy to become the hero of our own epoch, but be careful because that can also be debilitating and isolating.  Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our own drama scenes that we blind ourselves to solutions and to the people around us.

So…Where have I been for the past few weeks?

In my own epoch.  And truth be told it blocked me.  So caught up in my life and things that I deemed huge  that I stopped seeing outside of myself, so as a result…writers block.  See, writing is a form of giving and if you are so completely enveloped in your own stuff that it’s all you see, you can’t possibly give, not even to yourself. 

So what do you do peeps?  Pull yourself back… see your life for even one second as if it’s someone else’s, because if it was, I promise you wouldn’t take it so personally.  Your actions would be much less emotional and impulsive (which can more often than not be hurtful) and instead be much more careful, considerate and loving.  But best of all, you’d probably quickly and easily be able to see solutions for things that may now feel huge and overwhelming.  Interesting how we have no problem giving others advice.  That’s because we can see their issues from an outside, somewhat objective perspective which makes them much more easily solvable.  Well, do the same for yourself, assume a different vantage point, take a seat in the audience and view the play that you call your life from that place, and watch how things will start to quickly work themselves out.

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The solution is never in the problem… By focusing on the problem, you are only taking yourself further away from the solution!

Think of not having enough money.  If you sit there focusing on, “I don’t have enough money,” you will only perpetuate the problem because even if the solution is right there in front of you, because your focus is on what isn’t, you won’t even see it.  However, If you instead look to what it would be like to have that money and believe it will come, you will be amazed at how doors open and opportunities will present to bring you to exactly what you desire.

LISTEN UP PEEPS… Sometimes we don’t even realize that what we think is asking for something really is complaining about what we don’t have.  Listen to yourself carefully.  Are you focusing on the solution, or the problem?  If something in you life isn’t how you want it, it’s probably because your focus is on what you don’t have instead of what it would feel like if you did.  Make that change today and watch the solution start to manifest.

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