Do you readily give your power away?

What does that even look like? You ask.

POWER TIP

Investing energy in stuff that isn’t yours; material things or drama situations.  Power struggling over “your desk” or “your computer” at work when you don’t even own the company.  Engaging in “3rd grade” he said, she said.  Trying to control someone because you are afraid they won’t love you or be with you.  Building walls or holding onto bitterness from your past that blind you to great opportunities in the present. Giving away personal power only to scramble to replace it with false power like objects (that sometimes don’t even belong to you.)

If so… STOP THE MADNESS!

Listen up peeps… Your power cannot ever be taken away by anything or anyone.  YOU (and only you) have to give it away.  EVERYTHING in your reality is a choice or the result of a choice that YOU made (or are making) or focusing your attention on.  If you are giving your power away, ask yourself, “What’s missing in my life that i’m trying to replace with false power?” Then give that very thing to yourself.  Take responsibility and be conscious and cautious of where YOU CHOOSE to put your energy and what YOU CHOOSE to give your focus to so that you can create the empowered reality that you want.

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In the spirit of Thanksgiving (putting aside historical atrocities) I give you my annual top 21 list; what I am most thankful for this year…

MY “21 THANKS” LIST

1. ME – For all that I am and all that I am yet to be.
2. JD – My son, my greatest accomplishment and teacher…for always being authentically you.
3. MY ANGEL GIRL – My love… You are everything.  You make me a better me.
4. CHRISSY – The big sis I always wanted and now I have.  For your unconditional love and support.
5. TRACY – Bestee – my “sistah from another mistah”- for being there through thick n thin.
6. LISHA – Other bff – dawgs for life, for laughter, love and loyalty.
7. G.I.Ps – (You know who you are) for knowing the real Gem and wanting me to be only that.
8. MOM – For heading up my committee of Speeps and continuing to be a huge force in my life from the other side.
9. CLIENTS – For allowing me to give my gifts every day.
10. SPIRITUAL GIFTS – For the ability to help and heal others.
11. HOME - For safety and warmth.
12. EDUCATION - Which allows me to share practically through writing, teaching, television and radio.
13. HEALTH – To be able.
14. SENSE OF HUMOR – To keep it light.
15. LAUGHTER & LOVE – (From others) for keeping me going in tuff times.
16. LAW OF ATTRACTION – Which allows me to create my reality and then recreate and then recreate again.
17. COMPASSION and EMPATHY - To be able to really understand and tap in.
18. ALL OF MY EXPERIENCES - For leading me perfectly up to right now.
19. FORGIVENESS – For allowing people (and myself) to change and either come back into my life or move on.
20. LIFE’S LESSONS – For spiritual growth and experience.
21. MY PURPOSE – For the fulfillment that makes me say everyday…IT’S GREAT TO BE GEM!!!

SO…What’s your 21?

HAPPY TURKEY DAY (or tofurky for all my veggie and vegan) PEEPS!!!

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“Gemma? 

Yes, this is she.

Ok this is it… This is that call.” 

I lost my breath and doubled over.

“Was it peaceful for her?”

Now shaking, my chest tightening by the second.

“Yes, very, she just seemed to go to sleep.”

I will never forget that phone call I received Monday, November 17, 2003, the day my mom died.  Even as I write this today, tears stream down my face and I go right back to that moment and right back to the last time we spoke.  I miss her…alot.

Now you’d think that with all the validation I get on a daily that we continue on after we die and with communicating with my mom (on the other side) all the time would make it easier.  You would think that being a medium I wouldn’t be affected as much as others by death.  But the simple truth is that I too live in this physical realm where we have physical communication and interaction with others.  So while I need to disconnect some when I read for others and rationally I know that someone transitioning from physical to spiritual for them is a beautiful thing, it still royally sucks and hurts like hell when it directly affects me.

MOM aka MARY

With that said, I am so grateful to have been blessed with the gift of communication between worlds and for the comfort and peace that it gives my clients and myself.  As I tell them, I can wholeheartedly assure you that there is more than just this life and this world.  Life doesn’t just end we actually continue on to our real life, we go home.

So the term “Lose someone,” is actually a really good way of putting it because they aren’t really gone, we just don’t have them here in the physical anymore, but I promise you THEY are still very much alive, travel with you and can still be a very big and active part of your life.

How you ask?  Talk to them, just like if they were here.  Ask them for things, for guidance and for advice.  And when you do, be sure to listen for the answer.  I can’t tell you how many times I hear, “But Gemma I talk to my dad all the time,” and then I ask, “But do you listen to what he has to say back,” SILENCE.  OOPSY.  Now keep in mind that it definitely takes a bit of practice to hear them or to recognize a sign or symbol they may use to communicate their answer to you, so try not to get discouraged or give up.

Think of it like this… None of us knew how to text 10 years ago but we quickly learned that new form of communication and now we can’t even fathom life without it.  Well, it’s the same thing with communicating with your Speople (spirit people) on the other side, so practice practice practice.  Ask them to bring you something or to show you a sign.  What do you have to lose for trying it?  Exactly, nothing, so give it a shot.

I know it’s not the same as actually having them here in physical form, but I hope it will at least help you (as it has me) to know that they aren’t gone and that you can still communicate with them in another way.  Now one more thing… when you do feel THEM around you, for goodness sake acknowledge them, say hi and let them know that you are aware of their presence. I mean seriously how would you feel if you came into a room and everyone ignored you?  Oh…which reminds me of the whole point to this post.  To shout out the most amazing woman I’ve ever known…

Mom…I’m thinking of you today on the anniversary of your journey Home eight years ago.  I love you and miss you (in the physical) terribly; your stories, your laugh, your wisdom, your constant unwavering, unconditional love.  I’m glad that we chose each other in this life as mother and daughter and that you still remain with me all the time and continue to be a very VERY active part of my life!  Thank you for the blessing that you were, are and will always be.

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“Wait, wait, wait… Lemme get this straight…You don’t have a day job Gemma?  And have no plan to get another one?  You meditate and work out and ‘read people’ and blog and call that work.  You don’t like to have a set schedule and you don’t really make plans. It sounds like a bunch of excuses to be lazy and irresponsible if you ask me.  There is only one way to get ahead…you have to work hard and bust your ass if you want to get anywhere in life?  My days are packed from morning until night.  I always have a plan.  In my world your “work” days are what I call vacation.”

“Are you happy?” I asked

“It’s not about happiness, it’s about getting ahead and your way will never make that happen.”

“So what your saying is that your way is valid and correct to advance and my way is just wrong and irresponsible so I won’t?” (I just wanted to make sure I was hearing right.)

“Yup”

Ummm… judgemental party of one, your table is ready!  WOW!!

This, by the way, was an actual conversation that a friend of an acquaintance of mine thought was appropriate to have with me this past weekend.  I was almost offended.

See peeps, I don’t think there is an absolute right or wrong per se.  There is just right or wrong for me, but that’s for me and only me to determine.  We are just 2 different people with 2 different perspectives living different lives.  Don’t judge mine.  If you are happy with your garden then you don’t need to tend mine.  Just because you don’t understand how i operate, doesn’t EVER give you the right to sit in judgment of me (or anyone else.)  I don’t like to clutter my life with having something to do every single second.  I like my life to be peaceful.  I take care of my business and do my work very thoroughly and efficiently. I like seeing what comes up and being spontaneous.  I don’t need a plan to make me feel valid.

You may like your life to be filled with something to do every second.  I could ask you why.  Why are you afraid to slow down? Why must you make yourself feel worthwhile with plans and activities?  Why are you tending my Garden? Well that’s what i could say if I wanted to judge you that is, but I don’t because I like my garden, so I don’t need to put yours down.  I’m too busy enjoying mine.  I have worked very hard to make my garden perfect for me.  I have carefully chosen everything in it.  And check it out, if you are busy tending mine then you must not like yours so much, so maybe you want to reconsider what you are choosing to put into it.

Ok maybe i was a little offended.  Listen, I’m no Dali Lama or Mother Theresa so the fact that she thought it was OK to impose her judgments on me straight up pissed me off.  Being judgmental in my book is almost as ugly as being self absorbed (so caught up in your own stuff that you don’t consider others – but that’s a whole other post.)

LISTEN UP PEEPS… Just because you think your way is right, doesn’t make someone elses wrong, that makes you judgmental.  Tend to your own garden and appreciate and respect others.  There is great beauty in diversity, find it and if you can’t then mind your business.  If you ever find that you are looking enviously over someones fence and hating on their garden or judging it, realize that it’s only because your garden is not what you want it to be, then start to make the changes to make it everything you want.

You are the master of your own creation…if you don’t like what you have created, don’t hate on those that do, take responsibility and change it up so that maybe one day you will be happy and content just being in yours.  And if someone is looking in your garden and judging it, know that they are only doing that because they are avoiding, and as a result, neglecting their own which is only going to make their weeding twice as long and hard.  Just ignore them and keep tending to yours.

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I sat in my acid green recliner, “the throne,” as I often refer to it.  I was gearing up for a relaxing day off.  The plan was to catch up on emails, make some appointments, work on my book and maybe read a little, then go to an appointment I had that afternoon and then I had plans for that evening.  Now I should have known that something was up when my mom (who is crossed over) told me to cancel my afternoon appointment.  But I didn’t question her, I just cancelled it even though I had no idea why I needed to.

It was my day off.  Now anyone who knows me knows how seriously I take my days off.  The work I do requires them as it can be very draining at times.  So I have learned to set very strict boundaries about my days off being just that.  Of course anyone who also knows anything about the “biz” I’m in also knows that sometimes, the HP (higher power) has another plan and those of us who are psychics and mediums, must answer those calls regardless of a day off or not.

The day started as planned.  I was making appointments, I got to read some, caught up with a friend.  Just as I was about to go into the writing zone, I saw an email response from a young man who I will call “Eddie” (to respect his privacy) who had requested an in person reading.  I’m booked well into November at this point so I gave him my next available date sometime in mid November.  Eddie very nicely responded back that while he would take that time slot he would also like to do the “ask one question” service that I offer because his father is in hospice care and he wasn’t sure that his dad would live until our appointment. Something didn’t feel right to me to charge him for the one question and then have him come for the reading.

That’s when my mom stepped in.

Now as you know, my mom, Mary, has been crossed over since 2003 and is still a hugely active part of my life.  She told me to move Eddie’s appointment up and make it sooner.  So I emailed him a closer date, but just as I hit send on the email, mom said, “No,that’s not good enough,” give him a much closer date.  So I emailed him back and told him to come “tomorrow” (which would have been today.)  I already had 5 readings scheduled, but since mom said to do it, I would add a 6th.  Eddie accepted the date and thanked me.  But once again, mom said, “Still not good enough, you must see him today.”  My heart began to pound.  I knew that something was happening bigger than I knew and felt on a mission to help it out whatever it was.  So, once again, I emailed him and this time asked, “Can you come this afternoon?”  He said, “Yes.”

As I was getting ready for our reading, I got a visit from some Speople (spirit people.)  First I met an older couple which would turn out to be Eddies maternal grandparents who wanted to let mom know that they were there with her during this difficult time and then I met an older woman who was Eddie’s dad’s grandmother (but like a mother) and dad’s dad who wanted everyone to know that they were all watching over dad.  I got back on my computer and emailed this to Eddie so that he could pass it along to his mom.

At one point I remember stopping and I asked my mom when this would happen, when he would cross.  I had a feeling but wanted to know for sure.  Now I never see “death,” I never see when someone will cross because honestly I don’t want to, it would be too much I think, but in this case, I wanted to know so I asked my mom and she said,  “On the same day that I did, not the same month but the date of the day.”  I thought about it and remembered that she crossed on the 17 (of November ), I looked at the calendar and realized it was the 17 (of October.)  The same date, different month.  My heart jumped and I knew in my core why it couldn’t wait until the next day.

Eddie arrived promptly at the time I had told him to come.  He sat through the reading taking very careful notes.  I do not normally remember readings, but my guides tell me that I’m being allowed to remember some general things from his for the purposes of helping others.  Eddie had great questions, he was on a mission to give his family an amazing gift.  The gift of peace.  His main question were about what they could do to make dad’s crossing easy and peaceful.

It hit me like a ton of bricks at that moment I flashed back to right before my mom crossed.  I had been given the opportunity to “say goodbye” to her.  She and I had a long conversation, thanked each other for being who we are to each other and came up with a symbol that she would show me from the other side to let me know she was around.  Between my own experience and the guidance of Eddies grandparents, he now had all that he needed to guide his family through an extremely difficult time.

This morning, I awoke to an email that Eddie had written me at some point over night that began, “Hi Gemma, my dad just passed away…”  Eddie went on to say that his family got to do many of the things we’d discussed and that he felt that his dad’s crossing was very peaceful which I confirmed with his grandparents that in fact he’d arrived safely and peacefully on the other side.

I sat and cried for a long while this morning.  I dunno, for many reasons I suppose.  For Eddie and his family.  For the amazing display of love that this incredible young man showed to them.  For the magnitude of this whole experience.  For the blessing of my mom.  And most definitely for truly understanding why they call this crazy little thing I do a “gift.”

This all just happened so I don’t even have a “So listen up peeps,” to say because to be honest I’m still blown by it all and haven’t gotten to sit in the bigness of it yet… I probably will tonite after my readings.  I just know (and I told Eddie) that I wanted to share it with you.  I know that somehow he knew that in participating with his dad’s crossing, he could give his family (his dad included) a priceless peace and I’m so proud of him for this.  I know and am sorry that they feel pain and will miss him in physical form, but what an unbelievable example this is of how life goes on and how we can continue to interact with our Speople.  Think about it… Loved ones (from both sides) came together to assure the most loving peaceful crossing ever. Wow… What a gift!

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I just found something that I wrote right after my apartment burned down some 10 years back.  What a great lesson I learned from it.  After the fire, I remember how people crawled out of the woodwork to give my son (then 9) and I help to get back on our feet.  I am naturally a much better giver than I am a receiver, but seeing how happy everyone was to help made me realize the importance of receiving as well.

“Fllipping the perspective” so to speak, instead of making the situation only about me – “I hate to ask for help,” I made it about others – “I’m happy to give them their turn.”  Admittedly not an easy task for me, but one that apparently I learned a whole lot from because here is what I wrote…

THROUGH THE FIRE

I’VE LEARNED… Anything can change in an instant.

I’VE LEARNED… There is so much more to life than things.

I’VE LEARNED… People are inherently good.

I’VE LEARNED… Love and community make you richer than money and stuff.

I’VE LEARNED… Fear can thwart happiness.

I’VE LEARNED… We are much stronger than we know.

I’VE LEARNED… Children can teach us more than most adults can.

I’VE LEARNED… Family is about love, not blood.

I’VE LEARNED… People show their love in their way, not in yours, and that is ok.

I’VE LEARNED… It’s up to us to say what we need, not to expect others to know.

I’VE LEARNED… We create our own reality.

I’VE LEARNED… We are a reflection of those around us.

I’VE LEARNED… We get what we give.

I’VE LEARNED… There is a lesson in every situation.  We just need to be open to it.

I’VE LEARNED… A situation is simply that, it is our judgement that makes it good or bad.

I’VE LEARNED… Our situations do not only teach us, they are also learning opportunities for others.

I’VE LEARNED… Sometimes getting on the “wrong” train takes you to exactly where you need to be.

I’VE LEARNED… Sometimes the world needs to turn upside down to get right side up.

I’VE LEARNED… Giving and receiving are equal in value.

I’VE LEARNED… In order to receive, we must abandon pride, control and ego.

I’VE LEARNED… Being the receiver allows others the opportunity to give.

I’VE LEARNED… If no one receives, no one can give

I’VE LEARNED… To receive graciously, feel blessed, loved & simply say, “Thank you.”

LISTEN UP PEEPS… By receiving you are actually giving.  You’re giving another the opportunity to give and you are giving yourself the opportunity to forgo pride, ego and control so that you can graciously receive.  It ultimately gives both people the opportunity for spiritual growth… totally a win-win!

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Someone recently posted this on Facebook and I was blown that by the time I had finished reading it, I had made it my normal.  This got me thinking… Its amazing what our brains will make normal or, how we so readily buy into either society’s or our immediate environment’s idea of normal.  I flashed back to some situations that I have been in that were totally screwed up but after a while, for the sake of my own sanity and making sense of stuff, they became normal.

One of the several doctor’s offices I worked at while in college was pretty chaotic, which would have been fine, if it were just because it was busy.  The office vibe, however, was way too tense for my liking.  The doctor was downright abusive; yelling at will if he thought you made a mistake or wanted you to do something quicker.  More shocking though was how quickly this behavior was dismissed by all the employees.  “Oh, that’s just how he is,” they would say.  “He doesn’t really mean it.”  ” Don’t be so sensitive.”  “Just brush it off.”  But to me it was wrong, well at first anyway.  Eventually, I was convinced by pretty much everyone there that I was just being overly sensitive and I needed to toughen up.  But I was still really miserable and somewhere deep in my spirit I knew that it wasn’t right, at least not for me.

Thankfully, no matter how much we choose to live in oblivion, our spirit always knows our truth and will constantly do what is necessary to remind us of that truth.  This usually translates to the environment becoming worse or harder to bear and/or the feeling of dreading being there, eventually forcing us to escape in some way, shape or form.  I intended and “tried” to leave twice.  (I put the word “tried” in quotes because “trying” actually means NOT doing.)  Each time I “tried,” I was convinced (via guilt and manipulation) to do “the noble or right thing,”  and against my better judgement, I would stay, only to become more miserable.

Finally I decided that I matter more.  I felt no joy and my spirit flame was dim when I was there.  I suppose the fear of getting stuck there for life as my career superseded  the fear of telling them I was leaving and with that came the courage to do it.  So, I faxed in my resignation.  Yup that’s right, I faxed in a piece of paper with two words, “I quit,” signed Gemma.   This was pre-text and I knew if I spoke to anyone I would probably allow myself to be manipulated to change my mind yet again out of guilt.  I had to get out of there by any means necessary, so if that meant not speaking to anyone, so be it.  My journey, my way!  One second (maybe less) after I faxed it in, I felt like I had dropped a huge bag of rocks off my back.  Instant relief!  I literally felt my vibration raise, there was no doubt I did the right thing…for me.

So…What is your normal?  Do this quick test.  Take a separate piece of paper for each of your environment(s); work, school, home, social etc.  Don’t over think anything.  Just write exactly what you see and feel when you are in each of them as they are currently.  Include people, location, attitudes etc.  Now take a separate piece of paper for each environment again and this time, describe what those same environments would look like “In your perfect world.”  And here, the sky is the limit.  Here again include people, location, attitudes except this time make them your ideal.  Now, compare them.  Have you created the reality you want?

LISTEN UP PEEPS… Remember these 3 words… I MATTER MOST!  Make them a daily mantra.  Say them until you believe them.  You aren’t on this earth to suffer or to sacrifice your journey for others.  No higher power has ever said that.  You are here to create and experience and then create and experience some more.  So if your “normal” is a situation that dims your spirit flame and doesn’t bring you joy.  GET OUT!  You never HAVE to do anything.  It’s all choice.  Granted it may not be easy logistically, or emotionally because maybe you have a lot of ties to where you are, or you are scared of change.  Bottom line is, though, that you don’t HAVE to be anywhere that you don’t want to be, EVER!

Further, if you are staying in a sitch to please others, you are actually doing a disservice to EVERYONE involved.  No one must ever come before YOU LOVING YOU.  You have to love yourself before you can truly love anyone else.  You know the rule… Put your oxygen mask on before you help anyone else with theirs.  Trust me, there is nothing positive that comes out of being a moral martyr.  It’s actually totally ego based and definitely not the spiritual high road.  Instead peeps, please choose to love yourself first and then you will have a surplus of love and joy to emanate out to others.

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I had breakfast this morning with a friend that I haven’t seen in quite a while.  She told me that she really wants to pursue her writing and get paid for it.  She complained that she is very unhappy at her current job and had been asking the universe over and over for a break in writing and that she has been visualizing a writing gig for some time now.  She could see it, feel it as if it were happening and knew it would somehow come to her.

A little later in a totally unrelated conversation, she mentions that she had gotten an offer from a pretty well known magazine to write but that one of their stipulations is that she’d have to be on an unpaid trial run for the first three months.  Once the trial ends however, she’d be full salaried (better than what she is currently making) with benefits.  She didn’t sound at all happy about it or like she was going to take it.

I realized that she didn’t even put the two together.  This was the opportunity that she custom visualized for herself.  No-brainer, right?  If you ask for something and the universe delivers it, naturally you’d accept it right?  I think sometimes when it’s our own sitch we cloud it with fear so it’s not so easy to see.  So I asked her why she was confused about it and the fear flooded out of her mouth.

“Because I’m not sure that I’m doing the right thing,”  she began, “I mean what if it doesn’t work out?  Not to mention, I have an obligation to my current job.  They will be so sad if I leave.  They need me and want me to stay so I’d be letting them all down, wouldn’t I?  And for what, something impulsive?  I’ve been told that I’m impulsive.  I mean you don’t just make a quick move like that without taking your time and thinking it all through for a long time.  That’s selfish right?  To just go for it because it will make me happy without taking anything else into consideration.  I’m so confused and I don’t know what to do.  I really need THEM to tell me what to do.  I really need a sign.   If I could just get a clear sign that I am doing the right thing then I’d feel much better,” she finished up.

I gotta say I was pretty blown and I felt sad that it seemed that she was about to pass up what is so obviously the answer to her prayers.  Suddenly I got a flash of a story that I love (despite the religious undertones) that a client had recently reminded me of…

The Man and The Flood

It had been raining for days and days, and a terrible flood had come over the land. The waters rose so high that one man was forced to climb onto the roof of his house.

As the waters rose higher and higher, a man in a rowboat appeared, and told him to get in. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in God; God will save me.” So the man in the rowboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and suddenly a speedboat appeared. “Climb in!” shouted a man in the boat. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in God; God will save me.” So the man in the speedboat went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters continued to rise. A helicopter appeared and over the loudspeaker, the pilot announced he would lower a rope to the man on the roof. “No,” replied the man on the roof. “I have faith in God; God will save me.” So the helicopter went away. The man on the roof prayed for God to save him.

The waters rose higher and higher, and eventually they rose so high that the man on the roof was washed away, and alas, the poor man drowned.

Upon arriving in heaven, the man marched straight over to God. “God,” he said, “I had faith in you, I prayed to you to save me, and yet you did nothing. Why?” God gave him a very puzzled look, and replied “I sent you two boats and a helicopter, what more did you expect?”

LISTEN UP PEEPS… If a blessing shows up in your life, especially one that you have asked for, please don’t block it.  Even if it doesn’t show up in the exact package you expect or at what you think is the “perfect” time, please recognize that it wouldn’t show up if it wasn’t “right.”  You would never dream of telling someone who bought you a gift that you’d asked for… “Ummm, no thank you, because I wanted it at 8pm but you gave it to me at 9 and in blue wrapping paper no less.”  Don’t put constraints or conditions on the master plan, and definitely don’t try to figure it out… I promise you never will.

Trust and believe that everything and everyone that shows up in your life is perfectly right and perfectly on time and that you are worthy of having it.  To pass stuff by that comes to you, especially if you’ve custom ordered it, sends the negative message to the universe that you are not ready to receive all the abundance that it is ready to give.  An attitude of gratitude is probably a better way to go because it tells the universe to keep it coming.

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